View source for Meetup: The Worst Talent Show Ever


Rowdy does not begin to describe the disposition of the crowd at the Ox-Strength Tavern. Packed to the walls and the rafters, the story-time last organized by an odd little Mul went over better than expected, though some disagree on why that is exactly. It could have been because they got to throw something at some floofy fookin' pale elf in his shiny armor. According to many, he should have won the whole thing for the laughs alone!
 
It also could have been that stories were always a part of this crowd's lot, and putting them in a new format just raised up a long used tradition to new heights. Word of the talent show traveled far and wide, some ships rushed to port just to bring their sea-salty crews in time for the spectacle.
 
Word is, they even skipped the ''brothels''.
 
Tonight's entertainment BETTER be worth it.
 
The same Mul stands on what is a makeshift stage - several step-stools lashed together with planks nailed into them. It doesn't wobble when she steps up, but she looks like she has a light touch, and as she slides across the surface, Shivani calls out to the crowd.
 
"OY! Hullo and welcome all new friends and old friends and you know what Smokey, you're still talking while I'm talking and that's really like, you know, kindof rude man."
 
Hands on her hips, she stares down Smokey, who looks up and around with just his eyes, mouth open, mid-gesticulation.
 
Somewhere from the left a ham hock smacks him upside the head and laughter rebounds throughout the room.
 
"Alright alright you shuzz-bucklers," Her heavily accented tradespeak lifts above the din of talking, and she raises her hands. "It's time to show off your talents, and I know how you all think so none of you can take your pants off. Alright, that said, any volunteers to go first tonight or do you want I should go, eh?"

-- 

Shara is in the tavern and chuckles a bit. "I've got....just about all of them, but....I'll go last." She says softly as she crosses her legs from her table.

--
 
Said floofy fookin' pale elf is present again. Seated near the fireplace he spoons a smoky stew from a wooden bowl and sips the house brew from a large pewter mug. The size of the crowd this evening means that he is not alone but seemingly tolerates the brusque nature of his companions with a sort-of aloof interest and likewise they seem to ignore him completely having briefly marveled over his capacity to tolerate ale rather than 'warm wine' as the stereotype goes.
 
At Shivani's arrival he pulls the spoon from his bowl and sets the handle of it against the table so that the back of it leans against the edge of his bowl. This time he does not volunteer to go first. (Kaelthilas)

--
 
When Shiv and Vasa said that Lorik should meet them at the Ox for something special, he didn't think it would be anything like this. Walking though the door he takes in the scene swiftly. The stage, the waiting audiance, Shiv up there announcing something or other about talents. 
 
The shadow elf pauses a long moment in thought. 
 
Then decides on his course of action. 
 
That action would be...NOPE! 
 
And he starts to turn right around to flee before something sets someone on fire. 
 
...of course his sister and his friends might have something to say about that. 
 
--

Constantin saunters into the Ox, wrapped in his golden cloak. A talent show! Fantastic! He heads for the bar for whiskey, first, just because.

--
 
 
"Alright the-LORIK!! Hey boys, my cousin got turned around, drag him in close to the front it's really important. Tibley, giv'em here. Alright then I have the best talent to show you, I tell you whut.
 
Tibly, a man with a pegleg, wobbles on up and offers up a big, big bucket. "Then we have a singer, coming up next, and then my cousin will show off his talent of being the best cousin EVAR. Or something like that. OKAY!"
 
Into the bucket goes a hand, and there is a terrible squelching sound that drowns the entire room in silence, for curiosity begins to bring their attention away from conversation and to this big bucket Shiv is rooting around in.
 
From within she withdraws a most enormous creature, easily bigger than her hand, spilling out of it. Gross and slimy, green-purple in color, she holds up... a very very big slug.
 
Does.... does that slug have ''horns?!''
 
"Okay guys, I'm just going to do some slug juggling but the only ones big enough I found out in these woods with some really strange two-headed deer and shuzz. Anyway, here goes."
 
Without further introduction she reaches in for another, and another, tossing them up into the air to begin her juggling, eyes wide and a face splitting her smile as she begins to toss them under a high kicked leg and then alternate the tosses to send them in odd arcs.
 
Surely, this is fine.
 
--
 
GAME: Shivani rolls acrobatics: (8)+9: 17
GAME: Shivani rolls bluff: (17)+8: 25
<OOC> Shivani says, "Okay. For social rolls to change the crowd - 10=0, 15=+1, 20=+2, etc to add to the roll. So 17+3 is going to be 20 for my first set of rolls."

--

Shara smiles and claps for Shavani at the display. "Very nice."

--
 
Is that Lorik trying to leave? Oh no, that is impossible. Especially as Nahtatien - the Swiftclaw - takes a minor step to the right to block his bath. A hand at the same time reaches out to grab at her brother's clothes. "You're certainly not leaving so soon, are you, brother? Look, we have such entertainment to be had!" 
 
With a yank, she attempts to shove him either toward the table or toward the stage. Either works for her. At the display from Shivani, she does not clap...that would require her to let go of her brother. Instead, she enthusiastically pounds the table in front of her. The mug clanking against wood, sloshing over the side. "Good show!" she calls out loudly.

--
 
Constantin sips his whiskey, and claps his appreciatively. "Fabulous!"

--
 
 
He shouldn't flee. He really shouldn't. But he knows this might go poorly! He just knows it, down to the soul he knows that this could go bad. He doesn't want to get into another barfight. That would just be...
 
...wait...is she pulling out a /Felslug/. 
 
Lorik realises, not for the first time, that having cousins like Shivani keeps life intresting. So there is a sigh as he stops his flight and turns to look slowly back towards the stage. 
 
And runs face-first into Nahtatien. 
 
There is a sputter before he finds himself grabbed from behind. "Vasa what are you...I wasn't running away! Let got before we both trip!"
 
--

The brutes at the dawn elf's table pound their table. Sloshing ale. Causing the immortal's spoon to make contact with the sticky table. He picks it up and places it back into the stew before clapping. Hands impacting together with even, appreciative, timing nearly rhythmic to the movement of the Mul's hands.
 
His gaze strays as Lorik is drug back into the mix but the look is short lived. Focus returning to the demonic Felslug and its lithe but simple minded thrall. (Kaelthilas)

--
 
 
Of course they are Felslugs. Slugs of the fel. Slugs that.. begin to belch flame.
 
Green flame.
 
The crowd roars as Shiv juggles and juggles, eyes wide as she realizes very suddenly she's gotten more than she bargained for. Also.. why are her hands going numb?
 
Oh ''no''.
 
There is a moment where her fingers falter, and it's hard tot tell if it's all part of the show. Shivani blinks, and a slug smacks her in the face.
 
"MOTHER FOOK-"SMACK.
 
"BUT I DON-"
 
SMACK.
 
SMACK SMACK.
 
The slugs hit her face one at a time and then send her tumbling backwards from the stage in a sudden rush of ruckus, and then they hit the wood. Wood that's had salt-water laden boots stomping all over it.
 
Oops.
 
The slugs begin to shrivel, to shriek, and then EXPLODE.
 
Puffs of green smoke billow upwards from each of the five creatures making a terrible mess to the first few tables, the first of which was wise to how messy this show might be and they each lift a great tablecloth to catch some of the mess.
 
At once the crowd begins to stand, to stare, looking for signs of life.
 
A thumbs up pops up from behind the table, shaking in place as the paralytic slime locks Shiv in place for, well, at least a few minutes.

-- 
 
GAME: Shivani rolls acrobatics: (10)+9: 19
GAME: Shivani rolls bluff: (16)+8: 24
<OOC> Shivani says, "41 Total for me, with the +2 crowd adjustment from that roll."

--
 
Vasanna keeps a firm hold on Lorik's cloak just in case he feels the urge to flee any time soon. "Chicken," she tells her brother under her voice. "Brawk brawk! You're saying you have less talent than a slug with horns right now." 
 
As Shivani's hands go numb and she tumbles backward as slugs explode and shriek, the Shadow Elf - feet perched up on the table - finally lets go of Lorik's clothes. That is only so she can raise her hands and clap enthusiastically. 
 
"WOO!" she cries out without any shame or sense of irony. Instead, she brings two fingers to her lips and whistles out a two tone note of appreciation.

--
 
Constantin laughs in appreciation. "Now, this is a show!" He claps wildly and at length.

--

Shara shakes her head. "Should've compensated for the explosions, hun." She then claps loudly. "Worth it though...."

--
 
The elf stands also. Lifting himself slightly from his chair Kaelthilas slides between it and the table without making contact. His finery paints him in stark contrast to much of the swill-guzzling rabble the high-elf's regalia of polished scale and sleek cuirass worn even in a place of leisure as if the armored vestments provided the same comfort as ethereal silk.
 
Lifting his chin, he takes a step back and procures a blade from its place against the wall. The glimmering blade is nearly three quarters his height yet lightly balanced such that as he swings it in a trim arc it howls as it leaves the air and is then sheathed at his back. A wordless movement that draws attention.
 
Gold-flecked eyes regard the faces and then he nods. Crouching aside the table he pulls out an instrument which all the night had been pressed into both his legs and the legs of the chair so none could easily remove it without him knowing.
 
No, for the crowd, he drags it out from beneath the table. The box is nearly as large as the sword and as wide as half his sturdy frame. Dragging it out he makes some effort to lift it, knocking the table and spilling the drinks of the men who were seated with him, before he begins to haul its burden towards the stage.
 
--
 
"I am not chicken!" Lorik hisses back towards his sister. "Eluna's grace I should never have shown you that book with chickens in them!" He grumbles and mutters as he is finally released and thumps down in a chair next to the other shadow elf. 
 
...right as Shiv's show comes to a close. 
 
Lorik sighs slowly. "I'll...go make sure she isn't dead or anything. I mean they /were/ Felslugs." A longer pause. "You don't suppose she tried to eat any of them has she?" 
 
He turns though, starting to walk around the table that Shiv fell over. Going to check on his cousin even as one eye is kept on Kael and that strange box he's now pulling out. 

--
 
With trudging steps he ascends to the stage proper. The fel piles of slime and mucus squish underfoot as he sets the case down at the center of the stage so that it stands nearly as tall as the pit of his arm. At this point he considers the stage and lips press in silent thought.
 
Lifting a gloved hand to the crowd he shows them his finger 'one moment' it implores as he moves off the stage leaving the instrument case upright as he moves for the bar. He approaches a fellow and gestures lightly to the man's stool. It's a packed house, "May I?" he asks and his mates hound him off the stool such that the elf picks it up by its leg and tips it backward against his shoulder.
 
He carries it then to the stage and ascends again to take his place before them all. Flipping the stool into a two-handed grip holding it by adjacent legs as he sets it behind the instrument case so that it is hidden. Then moving around he hefts the case and struggles to work it upon the stool so that it is balanced and then moves around behind it again.
 
He reaches to open the case but pauses, "Can everyone hear me?" He asks the crowd and as some mumble he speaks quite a bit louder, "Can everyone hear me?" He asks again wanting to assure the acoustics are proper for this performance.
 
--
 
A few of the patrons look on in anticipation as Shara warms up, and Constantin takes a place near the bar where others who might like to go. They have an eager fire in their eyes in the face of the laughter they just all shared, and then... something happens. Something magical. There's much elbow-jabbing as the Pale Elf takes the stage and meticulously sets up. If not for last time, they would have already yelled him off stage.
 
No no, Captain Farthing holds up a hand, a man of some esteem in this room, and it keeps them all silent for the most part. Though a few are eyeing bags of half rotten lettuce they've brought with them.
 
Seems like Kael will get a fair shake at least.
 
Behind Kael, Lorrik will find Shiv with her face locked into a wide-eyed grin, her thumb's up still sticking out behind the other elf.
 
"I CAN HEAR YOU"
 
This, from behind clenched teeth.

--
 
 
The dawn elf begins to remove his gloves. Left hand to right he tugs finger-by-finger to loosen the doe-skin before slowly drawing it off of his hand. Naked right hand to gloved left he repeats the process until clutching both gloves. Drawing them together as a set he folds them in half and spends a moment tucking them into his belt.
 
He then reaches to the case.
 
<<CLICK>> he pops one lock.
 
<<CLICK>> he pops the other.
 
Reaching as if to open the case he seemingly hesitates and with the box balanced upon the stool and still closed he walks around them both so that he stands before them, "A song from my homeland." He announced.
 
Then he walks to the left side of the box and moves clockwise around the stool spinning the box with him so that its edge now faces the crowd. Kaelthilas in front of it, his back to the brawlers, as he opens the case.
 
Then he reaches deep into the case and with slow carefully delicate movements he reaches to pull out what lies within. Shoulders move and then he pulls the instrument outward and turns around.
 
He bears a simple child's recorder. A woodwind whittled by a novice craftsman before the crowd can fully comprehend he presses it to his lips.
 
*SHRILL* *TOOT* *SQUEESH* *TOOT* *SHRILL* *SHRILL* *TOOT* *SQUEESH* *TOOT*
 
A nursery song. Recognizable to all who grew up in the world of man - or it would be if the nine notes were not so off-key.
 
Removing the recorder from his lips, he bows. 
 
GAME: Kaelthilas rolls perform/wind instruments-10: (14)+perform/wind instruments+-10: 4

--

Shara whistles a bit and claps. "I think......you may need to practice a bit. Good attempt though..."

--
 
While Lorik goes to tend to their cousin, Vasanna, keeps the table. With Naht at her side, she imagines no one would try and hone in on her territory, but she feels protective of it, still. The Swiftclaw, now no longer needing to guard Lorik from leaving, settles into a place right by his companion, chin tilted up to watch the other performances. At the shrilling and tooting of Kaelthilas' performance, he tilts his head back and gives a chittering cry of approval. This seems to be the song he enjoys. Or, perhaps, understands. 
 
Seeing how much Naht enjoys it, Vas raises her hands up above her head and claps again. "Encore!" 
 
-- 
 
Glory rises this night with the crew of the Frightful Fin, and as the good Captain watches, the Elf plays the song of his people and the world seems to sink into slow motion. The men move for their weapons, deadly heads of lettuce and tomatoes and anything else that was going to go out with the morning trash. One man has some old scrambled eggs, stuffed into a sock.
 
Then there is weeping.
 
Eyes turn, with hands already raised and ready to throw. Half the crowd looking at Kaelthilas, the others as Smokey, who offers meek explanation. "He plays like me mum."
 
"PROBLY BEDS LIKE HER TOO!"
 
Mercilessly they pelt Smokey with as much as they throw in Kael's direction, an onslaught of cheers and jeers both roaring from the crowd as half the crowd is happy he decided to make himself a target, and the other legitimately aggrieved. On the plus side, the Swiftclaw will get half a ham tossed into it's mouth as part of a ricochet.
 
Shiv and Lorik will be making their way back, some feeling returning to her limbs, and of course she uses this to try and drive Lorik beneath a nearby table.
 
"TAKE COVER COUSIN KAEL HAS STARTED SOME KIND OF WAR."

--
 
Constantin shifts, taking partial cover behind the good angle formed by a table, chair, and Aesir engaged in serious drinking.

--

Tomatoes and eggs. Lettuce and under cooked meats.
 
The elf bows again amidst the assault. As the projectiles slow he turns upon the balls of his feet and tosses the recorder into the case which he closes, latches, and then he makes his way off stage in an unhurried but far less dramatic fashion. (Kael)

--

Shara stands quietly and makes her way to the bar, where she sits on one of the barstools and leans back against the bar. "I hope you don't mind, but I just made up this song. For all of you, so I hope you don't think it's awful. it's also going to be in elven, so I apologize if you don't understand it." She then begins to strum the guitar in a way that notes begin to flow from it.
 
If you strain your ears, you can probably hear it
Hey That voice
I always feel something
that can't be put into words
That's an angel's voice
 
It leaves an echo
Like a melody fading into the darkness
It quietly descends in a deep blue aurora
I also sing
 
There's something I believe
Though I'm called a fool for it
The dream I had that day hasn't changed
 
ANGEL VOICE I found it
It was shining beyond the horizon
Your appearance wasn't a dream
It flows and flows on
Let's meet again
When I close my eyes
it's always in my heart, that ANGEL VOICE
 
The heart changes, just like the scenery
It can't be helped
"Where is God?" is a whimsical question
So don't count on getting an answer
 
Let's go on running
It's not yet time to stop
I wanna get past the dark
 
ANGEL VOICE I felt it
The distant beat of the heart joins the rhythm
At last we can meet here
Your appearance
Burns into my eyes
Even in a heavy night
It certainly gives me strength ANGEL VOICE
 
WOW OH OH WOW OH OH ....
 
Strain your ears, don't you hear it always?
Hey That voice
That's an angel's voice
 
(translated from 'elven'.....not really elven)

--

GAME: Shara rolls perform/sing: (3)+9: 12
GAME: Shara rolls perform/string: (5)+9: 14
GAME: Shara rolls perform/sing: (19)+9: 28
GAME: Shara rolls perform/string: (8)+9: 17
<OOC> Shivani says, "Okay so 28 + 12 =40 +1 from those two crowd adjustment rolls. So 41 is your total!"

--

The crowd sits back to listen in to this, a song that's got WORDS, you know, the kind they enjoy. There are some glares as Kael steps down, but then a few overeager claps, punctuated by 'YER MAJESTY'
 
Shara's song earns some long gazes at first, but as it gets into the flow of things, a few feet begin to stomp in time, a few rowdy drunkards tilt their tankards this way and that, and soon the crowd gives a rumbling approval, cheers capping the end of the song as she brings it home.
 
--
 
From her seat behind her table, Vasanna listens to string and voice accompaniment. While she seems to relish the acts that wreak havoc - intended or not - she still gives quite an enthusiastic clap to Shara's performance. It's well done and expertly played. As someone who many may deem an agent of chaos, she tends to cheer more enthusiastically when things go wrong. This applause, though, is not polite. It's well meant and genuinely appreciative of the technical skill. 
 
A hand reaches out to scratch at Naht's head as the song ends.
 
--

Constantin takes his time getting into the song as well, and even gets a whiskey refill at the beginning. Near the end, though, he's foot-tapping along with the rest of the crowd.

--
 
The applause is when Shara slides off the stool, to her feet, and bows to the crowd.......a low bow, before flipping her hair back to wave....and step to the side. "Thank you." And she walks back to her seat. "Whew...." She says softly.

--
 
After Shara's beautiful performance, Vasanna attempts to shove Lorik back up onto the stage. However reluctant her brother is, she rolls her eyes and decides to show him how to do it. Her feet slide off the table and she nimbly climbs up onto the makeshift stage. Naht is quick behind her, clawing feebly at one of the stools and sheering it before joining her in a precarious position up onto the lashed together props. 
 
"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!" Her hands flick outward and she gives a stage bow. "I am the magical, the magnificent, the magnanimous Vasanna. I need one volunteer in order to perform the already said feats upon this humble stage. Do I have a brave personage upon which I may show my great powers of illusion and mystery? Do not be frightened, by dear sirs and madams, I may assure you from the bottom of my hear that none of you will be harmed, though you may be frightened!" 

-- 

Constantin stands up, only wavering a little. "Oh, I will!"

--

"WOOO!" This from Shivani, for Shara's performance, and then she stops Constantin before he makes his way up to hand him another shot of whiskey. That's right, she's HELPING.
 
Then she's flopping down, mostly able to feel her limbs again, feet propped up on the table to watch Vasanna work her magical magiks.
 
"Lorik tell me again whut you were doing the night Rori went missing. Was she angry at you because you because her hair is very red and your are not?"
 
Sure, that sounds logical.
 
 
 
"Perfect! Sir, please join me upon the stage. Now! I will perform a simple act of magic: I shall make your card disappear from your hand and appear in mine." Vasanna produces a pack of cards from a pouch on her waist. "I will ask you to pick a card from this stack and hold it! You must keep the number and suit in the forefront of your mind. That will certainly come in handy. If you are able to concentrate on it, you may be able to shield your mind from my superior magics." 
 
With a grin, she tilts a head up to Naht. "And, of course, never mind the Swiftclaw. He's only here for moral support." Holding out the cards, she urges Constanin to take one.

GAME: Vasanna rolls Spellcraft: (2)+6: 8
GAME: Vasanna rolls Diplomacy: (1)+0: 1 (EPIC FAIL)

--

Constantin takes the shot of whiskey from Shivani with a bright, dimpled smile and a "Thank you." Then he throws it down and rides the burn all the way to the stage. Taking a moment to blow a kiss to the swiftclaw, "Who's a pretty lizard?" he considers the proferred cards. Finally, he selects one at random and holds onto it.

-- 
 
"Watch out for the LEEZARD, he likes the smell of people who drink to much!" Shivani calls out after Constantin, cupping her hands about her mouth and throwing an arm around Lorik who of course is drinking a bunch himself now.
 
--
 
Completely and utterly confident in her ability to show up Lorik, Vasanna continues her showmanship bows and hand gestures. Suddenly, there is a flash of light, meant to center on Constantin. Instead, it lights up right on the edge of her cloak. Unfortunately, she does not realize it at the moment. There's another snap of her fingers and another light hits the card that Constantin holds. It's a bright flare of light and then his hand warms. This was supposed to be part of the act, but then there is a yelp, as the fire quickly catches on the tightly knit wool of her cloak and starts to burn at Vasanna's legs. 
 
There's quite a yelp as she jumps forward, away from the heat and tries to put out the fire. Nahtatien immediately leaps forward to help his mistress, only to leap over to possibly catch Constantin right in the face with quite a lot of lizard. The makeshift stage wobbles. 

GAME: Vasanna rolls Spellcraft: (20)+6: 26
GAME: Vasanna rolls Diplomacy: (8)+0: 8

--

Constantin tries to play it straight as long as he can for the sake of the act. However, around that all hell starts to break loose he whispers: "Your legs are hot" to Vasanna. "No, really, they're on fir--" Around then, Nahtatien intersects with his upper torso. He grunts and steps back with one foot -- the combat-oriented among the audience will recognize serious bracing. He blinks his eyelashes at Naht as he cradles him: "We've got to stop meeting like this."

-- 
 
Of course, for Shivani's part, this is ALL PART OF THE SHOW. There's some hooting and hollering from the Mul as Vas dances about with her cloak on fire, standing to rouse the crowd who's laughing and laughing at the sudden chaos.
 
Suddenly the men break into song - Shara's song - the worst rendition possible, for they do not have her voice.
 
"DANCE WITH THE LEEZARD!"
 
The men in the bar repeat it, for while her initial showing left something to be desired, it seems Vas begins to turn the crowd with her sudden, rather unexpected FLARE for the dramatic.
 
--
 
"How dare you!" Vasanna starts to tell Constantin before he legs are literally on fire. She rushes forward, attempting to grab a card he holds in his hand. Whether she does or not, she doesn't care. Instead, she rolls off the platform, allowing Naht to be caught and cradled by her audience participation member. "You guys look great together!" She shout. Then, she springs up on the floor of the tavern and holds up a random card. "THE KING OF CLUBS!" Whether it is right or not, she really doesn't care. 
 
--

Constantin stamps his heel, and dances a vigorous jig while holding Naht, before heading to the edge of the stage and setting down the swiftclaw. Looking up, he gestures to Shara. "Music, please!" It's a very non-specific request -- especially since he's already there and already dancing, he keeps going.
 
However, his dance tends towards dramatic gestures and briefly held poses, along with some prancing and leaping.
 
--

SUMMARY

The night was supposed to be a contest. One with winners and losers. Maybe bragging rights and free drinks. Instead it was something even greater. Here in a hole where the roughest of the rough come to drink away their woes and celebrate a day's work, a group of adventurous souls brought a spark of wonder to the everyman.

Here, they drank and ate together and though Shivani and Shara had wonderful performances, the crowd voted with ther projectiles and crowned Kaelthilas the winner, for he brought much joy with his off key performance, and after that he was accepted among the unwashed masses and gifted a great many stale beers.

So it was, as the talents unfolded at the Ox.