Nipples and rainbows
Rotgut: Angoron smiles on me! First I was able to clap so hard, my hands started singing... Then I punched ALL the rainbows out of the sky! ... be right back, need to stop this badger from trying to sell me marmalade.
-=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--<* H03: Eldwyn Road *>--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
The Eldwyn Road meanders continuously around hills, wilderness, and farmland, though it is occasionally broken by fingerlets from the great Tornmawr. At one point, the road crosses the Tornmawr itself, which takes place by use of a ferry.
Further east and past the ferry are the great Redridge Mountains. These mountains, which run mostly north and south, charge through the landscape, and even through the eastern end of the Lord's City of Alexandria.
Towards the south is the city, with its flags rising far above the walls. The fiery Rising Phoenix almost glows in the sunlight and airships may be seen both in flight and in dock, as they make use of a carefully sculpted section of the Redridge.
Towards the north, the landscape of rolling hills and farmland breaks into denser forest. -=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=-
"Disable joints!" Roka calls back, slashing her scythe down. The dwarf is doing scythe training with the crisp, bone-chilling Winter air, while Karelin leans against a tree and watches.
"Wrong!" Karelin steps forwards. "Don't die! The real thing is to be in a place where you can offend your opponent without being offended yourself."
Roka snorts a laugh. "Fair enough!" She swings the scythe around and twists her body, bringing the blade down with a thunk into the ground. She blinks, having overshot, and grunts, glaring at it as she tugs at it. "Stupid...grrr..."
"Did someone say something about being offensive??" From offscreen, a massive orc with a massive earthbreaker, wearing a massive grin and a breastplate with massive nipples walks in. Rotgut grins at the two, one hand on his hammer's hilt where it's holstered on his back. "I'm good at bein' offensive. Brudda says so. Need lessons?"
Karelin grunts. "Trust me. When it's some misbegotten son of a minor god holding half the darkness of the world in his hands, you don't want to try to shrug it off, no matter how good your armour." A laugh. "And don't do that." He turns, squinting a little into the icy sleet. "No. Do you?"
"You have a valid...point. RRGH!" Roka yanks hard and the scythe vaults out of the ground, sailing through the air, and landing, blade-down, in the ground between Rotgut's legs. She spins, glaring...and then blinks. She had not expected that. "Lessons? In what?" She was a little too busy to be paying attention, there.
Rotgut stops mid steps, eyes turning slowly down into the scythe buried in the ground between his legs, before turning his grin up to Roka. "Good shot!" he roars, brightly. Though the orc wipes a hand over his eyes, peering at Karelin. "Eh? What?"
Karelin's head tilts fractionally. "Do you need lessons in being offensive, or do you just yell a lot?" He glances over at Roka, just shaking his head.
"All of the bad guys They really are a bore So hit them with and axe and then hit them some more!
While all the palidins are all just a pain so hit them with an axe and then shift the blame!"
The lyrics are loud, off key, slightly slurred, and approaching the roadway thru the trees. Soon enough the song's source appears. Munch the Golem, axe in one hand, and a basket of brightly colored mushrooms in the other. Or perhaps 'shrooms' is the more accurate term.
Roka unwedges the scythe from the ground with considerably less difficulty this time, though she eyes Rotgut with a smirk. "An oruch without sense. I like it." She pauses at the lyrics and turns, brows lifting. "A war golem! Haven't seen one of those in a very long time." She squints. "Does it have...flowers?" Squint.
"Oh! No! That's how I advertise!" Rotgut stomps twice on the ground, then claps... then stomps twice, and claps... And pauses, when suddenly it starts to make a song. He blinks at his hands in surprise, holding them up to his ears as he continues to hear Munch's song, jaw dropping open. "I have BROKEN THE BARRIER TO THE PLANE OF MUSIC WITH MY CLAPPING! Angoron be praised!" Seems he hasn't noticed Munch yet.
"Great." Karelin closes his eyes. "I swear, this thrice-damned city is even more of a madhouse than usual." He squints through the rain, wipes his brow. "Flowers? Where?"
"Hit things with an axe Hit things with an axe. ...... Hit things with an axe, hit thigns with an axe!!"
Not exactly a complicated song here. Nor that complex of a singer. Reaching the roadway, Munch pauses a moment, eyeing the people there, then looking to the axe in hand.... and then to the other hand. "Wanna 'shroom? They're druid appro... appru... they're good."
"There, in the bas...oh." Roka eyes Rotgut for a long moment. A /long/ moment. And then glances back at the offered shroom. "Mm... sure, why not?" She shrugs, and gestures to the oruch. "Give him one. I want to see something explode."
Rotgut grins even wider as Munch keeps singing, bobbing his head along to the music with his hands cupped around his ears. "I LIKE this song!" When Munch stops singing Rotgut looks at his hands in disappointment. "Awww, it stopped. Oh hey, mushrooms!" He takes one from the basket, popping it in his mouth and chewing, grinning at Munch. "I got musical hands. Wanna hear?"
Karelin steps back, looks at Roka vaguely disapprovingly. "That's akin to taking candy from a small baby; taking candy from a toddler would be much more challenging."
Munch was traveling thru the woods when he came across a druid. A very drunk druid, who mistook the golem for a badger. An upright, scary-looking badger. After a few minor adventures, the druid left Munch 'near a faerie-patch of hallucinatory mushrooms.' So the effect of eating these things is anyone's guess. They seem to make golem's sing. A golem. Munch. Who is in no way typical about much of anything.
"Explode? I can explode. I can-*BURP*!!"
It's a burp. It's a golem burp. It's a shroom fulled golem burp that's visible and colorful and OH GOD THE SMELL!!
Roka blanches and wrinkles her nose at the smell, backing away. "Thanks, but....err, nevermind about the shrooms. I like my breath smelling less...deadly." To Karelin, however, she grins. "I don't mind either option, honestly. I need a little entertainment."
Karelin laughs. "Worse than Blarite ball sweat." He snorts at Roka. "Surely you can find better, more easily."
Munch blinks with a soft click. "Entertaining? You tried the city?" The golem gestures vaugely, not entirely sure where to find the city just now. "They got stuff. Entertaining stuff."
"Oh, I'm sure there's better, although an Angorite on shrooms is pretty high up there in my book; but easier than it falling into my lap like this? Hmmm." Roka smirks, and it's not an entirely pleasant smirk at that. "City? Oh yes. Definitely been there. The arena's fun; I like the unplanned marriages."
That Burp of Destiny is liable to get Rotgut's attention. He blinks when he feels his nosehairs burning, and sniffs at the air. "Someone cookin' somethin'?" He blinks again, frowning as a thought occurs to him. "Wait... what's "shrooms"?"
Karelin nods. "Well, there's less body oil than what I hear is standard Angorite worship... that's probably a plus."
Munch buzzes quietly. "Wedding cake is awesome, but unplanned marriages are a little too much for me. Less cake too. Shrooms are awesome. They're like rainbows, but inside your head."
"Rainbows, but inside your head," Roka repeats with a grin. "Don't you like rainbows, Angorite?" She snickers at Karelin's comment, and stretches. "I take it you're no Angorite," she adds to the man. "A fighting man with a good head on his shoulders. Korrite, perchance?"
"Karelin Andarin," he introduces himself like it means something, or theoretically could to a Korite.
"Munch." So long as introductions are being made.
"Just Roka's fine, for me," the dwarf offers, moving to put her scythe away. She doesn't seem to have a clue about his name; maybe she's a new recruit. "Pleasure to meet you, Karelin. And Munch. I didn't know War Golems had names. Then again, I didn't know they could do shrooms, either."
Rotgut pounds a fist into his palm. "Body Oil! That's what I was forgetting! Damn, now I need to go all the way back to the market... what's this about rainbows?"
Karelin nods once, curtly. "Very well, Roka." He shrugs. "Who knows what gets built in."
"Taste them. Delicious." Munch shrugs, looking to Roka. "Just the self-act... self-actua.... the goods ones. Either one. Just me, for shrooms. Maybe. Never met another, yet."
"Maybe you're the last war golem," Roka offers, brows lifting. "I've never met another either. They should make a play about you." To Rotgut, "I'm sure you'll start seeing a few, in short order, my good friend."
"Oooo, I'd go see that. Would there be punching?" Rotgut blinks at Roka... and cranes his neck upwards, looking around at the sky. "Nope, no rainbows yet."
Munch swallows hard, gurgles a moment, then spews a swirling spray of noxious chemicals into the air. Thankfully, they're just volitile enough to evaporate into the air and not come back down. Getting hit with them would likely be wildly unplesant. "...woo, been a while since did that... yeah. So, yeah, might be the last war golem. Built, anyway. Lots still around. In the city, mostly. Quite a few working for the Guild, really."
"HOLY SHIT!" Rotgut stumbles backwards suddenly, his heel catching on the pavement and sending the oruch falling onto his butt. He stares, open mouthed at the sky above. "The rainbows just started vomiting rainbows!"
"Hmm, I'd be interested in... guh--!" Struck by the rainbow slop, Roka staggers backward with a choking sound. And with little ceremony, the dwarf keels right over. THUD. So much for interesting conversation.
Karelin takes a step back, shaking his head." That's not a good mix." He nods to Roka. "I'll see you at the arena, then."
Munch huhs, and carefully moves the dwarf out of the roadway. He'lll be fine. That stuff's really only dangerous in poorly ventelated areas.