Log: Goblintown Hi-Jinks

Goblintown Hi-Jinks

PCs:

Kravar  - Big Aesir Fighter                                     
Tatyannah  - Short Giantborn woman, dark hair, bronze skin.      
Meep  - A goblin in a patchwork robe accompanied by a monkey  
Sandy - The HIPpest elf ever. Practically a HIPpy.
Constantin - Flower-cloaked swordsman. 
Sonja -  Gigantic Red haired Woman

Location: Goblintown

Meep calmly strolls down the street of Goblin town, idly remarking to the monkey toating a large sack walking next to him, "There certainly seems to be an unusual number of shrines to Reos here. How peculiar."

Kravar stands in front of a cart not far from where Meep is walking, arguing with a small goblin merchant. The cart seems to be covered in various leather gear such as cuirass, greaves, and a few bucklers and helms. Kravar is red-faced and shows a battered wooden shield, the merchant keeps asking him 'what?' in Golbin tongue. Both of them seem frustrated to their wits end.

Meep glances in Kravar's direction as he begins arguing. "Hm. That doesn't look like a goblin. But, better check to be sure." He holds out one hand and the monkey immediately puts down the sack, rummaging through it until he finds a tome and places it in Meep's hand. Meep flips through. "My first guess would have been some varient of human, but since he's in goblin town, then he must be . . . a dwarf giant-folk! Yes, there are definate similarities to the picture in the book!" Meep notes to the monkey "It says here that the giant-folk are a very height-ark-tickle sub-species. So, we should use stranger-greeting-plan 7b when approaching him. You know what to do." The monkey nods, accepting the book back from Meep and stowing it back into the bag. The monkey then removes a long strip of white cloth with regularly spaced black markings from the bag and scurries over to Kravar. He hops onto the merchant's cart, holding the strip of cloth so one end is touching the ground and the other is in line with the top of Kravar's head. Meanwhile, Meep reaches into the bag and removes 4 long narrow pieces of wood. The inside of each piece is lined with round holes. Meep eyes the strip of cloth, then shoves two wooden pegs to connect the wood together in pairs. Meep inserts his feet into the leather straps atop two of the wood pieces The monkey meanwhile hops back down and hurries back to Meep. The monkey grabs hold of Meep's shoulders and gives him a shove. In a moment, Meep is standing atop the pair of odd-looking wooden stilts, at the exact same height as Kravar.

"Wooden. Woooooood. WOOD!" Kravar repeats the word various ways in hopes the merchant will understand. "Surely you know--" he glances to the side at a bit of movement, then slowly turns his head in that direction again, disbelief on his features. He looks Meep up and down and then opens his mouth. "What...who..." He closes his gaping mouth and then frowns. "What is the meaning of this?"

The monkey then pulls out what appears to be half a broom-haandle with a straw-stuffed glove tied to the end. The monkey hands it to Meep, who tucks the handle under his right arm so the glove is pointed towards Kravar. Then Meep totteringly approaches Kravar, while loudly announcing in trade speak, "Hello Civilized Giant-folk Stranger. Me civilized Goblin wizard. Me greet you as friend in spirit of not-hurting. Me seek to know more about your kind's customs and traditions. Particularly those involving not-hurting civilized goblins like me and small civilized primates like my butler. Also, me see you have much trouble speaking trade speak to merchant. Me speak many languages well. Me speak for you, if you want." Meep then gives the broomhandle a little shake, causing the straw-stuffed glove on the end to waggle in a friendly manner.

Kravar eyes Meep, nearly crosses his eyes trying to focus on the glove, then glances back at the merchant to see if he's laughing at Kravar. Finally he looks at Meep. "Ah...yes, trouble. He doesn't seem to understand. I know he sells leather goods...but I don't want a leather shield, I need a wooden one." He hefts his shield again for emphasis. "I just want to know if he has any. Or failing that, if he can direct me to a merchant who does." He casts a suspicious glance at the vendor.

Meep is currently standing on a pair of odd-stilts, made from four pieces of wood with lines of holes down the middle, with a peg holding them together so that he is currently the same height as Kravar. He has a broom-handle tucked under his right arm. A glove filled with straw is tied to the other end, and it is currently waggling in a friendly manner at Kravar, as if he is offering to 'shake' his hand.

Meep nods, saying in Tradespeak, "Me make good, Giant-folk stranger. Me tell merchant you want his wood and is willing to pay well for it!" He switches to goblin-speak and politely tells the merchant, "This one wants a wooden shield, not a leather shield. Do you perchance sell such a variety here, and if not, might you recommended a purveyer of such in the local neighborhood?"

Kravar nods his thanks to Meep, then tries to follow the ensuing conversation. He doesn't recognize a word, and then shakes his head, looking around the market until Meep is finished. Hmm, more goblins, an Oruch, but no humans or Khazad in sight. Once his translator stops speaking, Kravar looks back to the merchant and watches carefully for a reaction.

Meep whispers to his monkey in trade-speak, "Uh Oh. The giant-folk has rejected the hand of friendship. Um. What was stage 2 of stranger-greeting-plan 7b?" In response, the monkey gives a helpless shrug. Meep sighs then hands over the broomstick to the monkey, "Just stick that back in the bag for now. I suppose I'll just have to improvise. At least it isn't beating us with anything." The monkey puts the broomstick with the stuffed glove back inside the sack. Meep gives Kravar a half-hearted smile, then stops himself, gasping "Oh no. Giant-folk view the baring of teeth as a challenge!" He takes a tottering step backward on the stilts, when one unexpectedly slips and he topples backwards onto the ground. There a thump, and a dazed voice mumbling "Stop hitting. Me civilized goblin."

The goblin merchant eyes Kravar suspiciously, then firmly shakes his head.

A small goblin child runs up, pointing one oil-stained finger directly at Kravar, and angrily demands in Goblin-speak, "Hey! Why you hurt the clown? He was funny!"

At this, an old goblin woman shambling by, supporting by a pair of wooden canes pauses, turning her head in Kravar's direction for the first time and squinting, before demanding in tradespeak, "Whats this, sonny? Are you bullying one of our street performers?" She begins shambling over to Kravar, obviously intending to give this upstart human a good talking to.

Kravar looks back and forth between all the goblins who have taken interest in the little scene. One of his hands shifts grip on his shield so that it's holding the strap, ready to raise it to ward off blows from oh say a cane. Just in case. "Now hold on," he calls out, raising his other hand, fingers spread and palm opened. "I didn't touch him -- he fell!"

Tatyannah has arrived.

Meep blinks a bit, slipping his boots out of the straps on the stilts and standing up and accouncing in goblin-speak, "Er. I'm fine. Fine. This giant-folk was just, um, asking to see this good goblin's wood. So, there's really nothing for anyone to get mad about." The monkey helpfully begins gather up the stilts, disassembling them, and putting them back into the bag.

The goblin merchant then demands in passable trade speak to Kravar, "You go now! You scare customers!"

The old woman moves closer to Kravar, eyeing him, "You like scaring goblins, do you sonny? Like coming down to goblin town to lord it over all of how how tall you are? Well, the beating of street performers is an honored goblintown tradition and not for the likes of outsiders? What do you think would happen to we let just anyone come down here and pummel our performers? Why, in no time at all, there wouldn't be any left for the rest of us! Why, we're already clear out of locally-produced mimes, and it gets mighty expensive importing halfling mimes for the mwhack-a-mime celebration each full moon!" The old woman sighs, "But, thats the only way to keep the maddness sweeping over the rest of the city from infecting us sensible folk. All about ritual and tradition. Thats what keeps a society safe from such things!"

Kravar's expression is equal parts confused and impatient. "Fine, fine!" He waves his hand now in a warding gesture at the old woman. "I'll just be on my way then." He shoots the merchant one last (and practically murderous) look before turning away. Pausing next to Meep he nods grudgingly in what might pass for gratitude. "You had best away from here as well. Somehow I don't think she was exaggerating about the beating of performers and their trained animals."

Some people will do anything to feel pretty. As a giantborn, however, as a short giantborn, occasionally, Tatyannah needs to feel tall. GIANT TALL. So, she seeks out the 'other' or 'short species' part of town on occasion so she can can scare kids. It's petty, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Except, well she stops when she hears the old woman giving Kravar a hard time. DAMNIT! Her secret's out! Now she'll have to come up with a different excuse.

Meep blinks a bit, then nods to the monkey, who heaves the sack over his shoulder. He notes to Kravar in tradespeak, "Perhaps it would be wise to visit another part of the city, Giant-kin stranger. Oh, might I have your name?" Then he spots Tatyannah and gasps, pointing one shaking finger at her, "What . . . what in the world is that? Did an ogre get into the city?" He looks nervously around for a city guard.

The child goblin meanwhile yells towards Meep, "Hey! Don't go! Its not as bad as you think. We use padded clubs now instead of the old wooden ones!"

It would be wrong to 'Rawr'. It would be wrong to 'Rawr'. Tatyannah has to recite this to herself as she stands there, though she wants to, badly. But then there's guard and arrests and bail and fines and then she's back to the whole 'no money' thing. And yet...

Speaking of things that go 'rawr', there is an elf! Sandy is making her way out of the gambling hall, a scowl on her face, and looking more than a little aggrieved about something. Clearly, she lost big.

Kravar follows Meep's gaze over towards Tatyannah and then shakes his head. "That's no ogre," he says, keeping his voice low. Then he continues, louder. "Another visitor trying her luck in this wretched market." He takes a few steps down the road, half-turning at the waist so he can look back at Meep to see if he's following. "I'm Kravar of Stormgarde. I think leaving here would be the best." he trails off, then looks around. "Ah...but which would be the closest way?"

Meep glances nervously at the approaching Tatyannah, then thinks for a moment before whispering to Kravar, "Wait . . I have an idea!" He turns to his monkey and says, "Time for emergency plan 4! It worked in the pub, so it should work . . . now to. Of course, then we just had to deal with a starved halfling while this is a rampaging not-ogre. Anyways . . . I have the utmost confidence in you, my brave primate companion!"

The monkey reluctantly sets down his sack and pulls out a small wooden box and an unusually large long-handled wooden spoon. The monkey opens the box, revealed three small blue-berry muffins. He removes one of the muffins and carefully places it on the spoon. He then grasps the spoon carefully by the handle, holding it so the muffin is as far from his body as possible, and begins inching closer to Tatyannah as if he is expecting her to leap ravenously onto the muffin at any moment - and is liable to eat any small primates who inadvertently get in her way.

"Just a giant," Tatyannah offers casually, tossing it out of there. She's gonna bluff her way out of this, hopefully without a fight. She pulls herself up to look taller, frowning slightly, to look a little more dour. Except monkeys! And well, she's met monkeys before. Crouching down she addresses the monkey with a, "Hello."

Meep looks between Tatyannah and Kravar in surprise, before exclaiming in trade-speak, "My goodness! I never thought I'd meet two giant-kin in one day, much less in Goblintown. Hm. I will have to make note that male giant-kin are so much shorter than female giantkin." He pauses a moment, then inquires of Kravar, "Or was my hypothesis correct and you are a subspecies of vertically-challenged giantkin, perhaps native to caves or other environments where constraints were placed on your height, causing over many generations a proclativity for giant-kin no taller than the caves they inhabited?"

The monkey meanwhile holds the spoon so the muffin remains between him and Tatyannah. When she doesn't take the muffin, he appears confused at what to do next, letting out a plaintive Eeep back towards Meep. Meep gnaws his lower lip a moment, muttering to himself, "Its not safe to use the stilts in goblin-town and we didn't come up with an alternative greeting plan for giant-kin. So, I suppose I'll just have to . . . improvise." Being very careful not to show any teeth, Meep slowly eases forward towards Tatyannah, trying to make his voice as friendly and non-threatening as possible, as he tells her in tradespeak, "Hello Civilized Giant-folk Stranger. Me civilized Goblin wizard. Me greet you as friend in spirit of not-hurting. Me seek to know more about your kind's customs and traditions. Particularly those involving not-hurting civilized goblins like me and small civilized primates like my butler."

Tatyannah peers at Kravar with interest, standing up to check her height against his, and huh, she is taller than him. Perhaps- perhaps they simply grow them tall where she's from. And that story about her grandmother being one-quarter halfling is just a story. Then she refocuses on Meep, before tilting her head, back and forth trying to figure something out, before she offers, "I'm not stupid. You can talk to me like - well," she gestures with a wave of her hand, forgetting who might be in her way, "I get it, you come in peace. Um, well, you could give me your money, that helps a lot!" Hey, sometimes you just have to go for it.

Meep frowns deeply at Tatyana's words, "Oh my. Is this what they call a . . . mugging?" He looks around nervously, "I read about such things." He looks up at the nearby rooftops, tapping a foot impatiently, "Er, isn't someone supposed to be leaping out of the shadows to apprehend you in the name of justice about now?"

At Meep's words, the monkey drops the spoon holding out the muffin and dives completely into the large sack he had been toting around. The sack billows with movement within. Finally, the monkey emerges with a black mask covering his face and a short cape draped over his shoulders. He looks up at the towering figure of Tatyannah, and lets loose with a brave declarative "Eeep!"

"No, no, muggings involve promises of violence in return for coin," Tatyannah advises Meep, helpfully. "This is more like a cross between a shakedown and a ruse." She peers around herself, before she remarks, "Well, I've been through a few towns now, and I've decided that when one is in a bad or poor part of town? The guards generally don't care about crime there. They just don't want it in the rich part of town." She uses her height to lean down so she can get nose to nose with the monkey, before she says very quietly, "Boo."

The monkey immediately leaps back into the sack. Meep sighs, goes over to the large sack, and says into the opening, "First off, its not a secret identify if the criminal sees you change into the costume right in front of them. Second, did you not here me say roof-top? Third, you know what, lets just cross off plan H as an option during future victimizations by the criminal element. Hm. Okay, I got it. Plan E." With that he finally turns his attention back to Tatyannah, and in his deepest possible voice, "Beware, simple giant-kin, for I am the great and powerful Meep. Master of arcane forces BEYOUND your comprehension. Depart from my presence or with a single word I shall . . ." He pauses a moment to look into the sack. There is a faint Eeep from withim and Meep can be heard muttering, "Are you sure, that sounds a bit . . . gooey. Well, okay, I suppose. It certainly turns my stomach." With that, he turns back to the giant-kin and concludes, "turn your flesh to a gelatinous substance the consistency of pudding. A chocolate pudding perhaps. The kind with a few lumps in it, but generally smooth in texture. Not something like rice pudding, of course. That would be quite absurd. Yes, the consistency of chocolate pudding sounds much more believable."

Tatyannah can't help but smile a little as the monkey goes running off and she pulls herself back to her full short-for-a-Giantborn height. Ooo! Ooo! Maybe she can practice her looming skills! Loom! LOOM! "A pudding, really? I'd prefer flan. I'd taste better, and it's slightly firmer." She leans forward to loom again, with her best pirate expression, "Are you sure I can't convince you it would be better to give me your coin?" The tones are a touch hopeful. Well, at least she's a polite - whatever she is.

Sonja has arrived.

Meep looks rather nervous when his 'threat failed to have the desired response. He thinks for a moment, then finally replies, "Look. I'll be honest with you here. Me and Eeep there just arrived in the big city a couple days ago. We came here to make our fortune. So, um, we don't actually HAVE a fortune yet. And, um, well, I did kind of go a bit overboard in buying props. But, the merchant who sold them to me had explained they were absolutely necessary when making contact with other sentient species for the first time. He even through in a handy spotter's guide so I would know what the city folk were and how to approach them with the least possibility of being hit by sharp or heavy objects . . . "

Tatyannah sighs, "You poor gullible bastard." She sighs and stops looming, slumping into a slouch, "Well, damn, I would pick another new arrival to the city." She holds a giant hand out to Meep, "How do you do? It's very nice to meet you. Mostly, when you do your thing - just don't do that 'Me come in peace' thing. People think you're making fun of them, and well, people lash out when they think you think they're stupid. It's why I'm usually somewhere else, when they find out I think they're dumb." Tangents, Tatyannah. TANGENTS.

Meep very carefully shakes Tatyannah's hand. "Um. Well . . . I have heard the explorer's guild hires folk if you are looking for work. Heard that in the very first tavern I stepped into. By the way, if you are expecting there to be a one-eyed pirate humorously throwing darts into the first tavern you step into, you will likely be disappointed. Folks kept talking about a pirate coming, but never saw a one the whole time."

Constantin has arrived.

"Oh, pirates! Really, there are pirates around here?" Tatyannah straightens again and looks around, as if expecting one to swing in from a roof. "I wonder if it's Dad's ship. I haven't seen him and my brothers in /ages/!"

Actually IN goblintown, Sonja seems to be helping a few of the goblins build a house, or finish building a house. She puts the door on, tiny for her, and he waves and goes. It's, definitely not hard to spot Sonja in the town, just like it's not hard to spot Tatyanna. She walks her way over and.....looks down at Meep. "Pirates?"

Constantin comes out of a particularly sketchy looking shop, shaking his head. "No. Thank you. I do not want it in the shape of a roaring boar!"

Meep bobs his head as he loudly replies in tradespeak to Tatyannah, "I was really looking forward to see one, but apparently they had not decided to raid the city that day . . Rather disa . . . Wait, you are a pirate? Well, no wonder you are trying to rob people in goblintown! Do you have your own ship and everything?" He then turns to Sonja and pauses, "A THIRD giantkin in goblintown? Oh . . my. Um. Is this giant-town?" He looks around frantically, "I meant to be visiting goblin town and there do seem to be a rather lot of goblins about, but . . . "

Tatyannah sighs when she spots Sonja. Oh look an actual tall Giantborn. Now, now everyone will know her shame. SHAME! She asides to Meep, "No, not me. I get seasick." Her other SHAME. "My father has his own ship though. He doesn't usually come up this way, but he might since he did know it was my intention to come here," she muses. "I'm sure there are rich pickings here as well."

Meep ponders the situation carefully, "Well, this does not appear to be among the wealthier neighborhoods in the city. Maybe you should try the human quarter? They seem to have an unusually large amount of the city's wealth." He eyes the bag thoughtfully, then notes, "Um. Eeep, I do believe it may be safe to come out now." With that, a monkey, now dressed in a white shirt and black pantaloons, reluctantly crawls out of a large sack.

"Probably," Tatyannah admits. "I wasn't actually here to rob anyone, but you gave me the opportunity, well, and I thought it couldn't hurt to see if I could get away with it." She must be a terrible thief, she keeps giving everything away. Sometimes it's all about opportunity.

Sonja says, "Don't worry, This is Goblintown, Little One. I just happened to be here helping someone build a house." She isn't one of the tallest giantborn, but she IS one of the surviving ones. Tatyannah's comment brings Sonja's eyes towards Tatyannah. "You're not planning on trying to steal things here, are you?""

Meep ponders a bit, "I see. That is a problem. Hm." He goes and rummages through the sack for a moment, finaly coming up with a tattered well-read book and offers it to Tatyannah. Emblazoned on the cover is a wood-cut print of a dashing thief leaping out of an open window. In block printing underneath it reads the words, 'Confessions of the Greatest Master Thief to Ever Visit Alexandria by the Mysterious Mr. Anomynous' Meep grins widely, forgetting the whole giant-kin teeth-baring issue, "That should solve your problem. It got thrown in when I bought the mask and cape for my monkey."

Constantin pauses. Monkeys? Standard-ish. Giantborn? Here? Well. He slows down, shaking his head still.

"Oh! That's very nice! Thank you!" Tatyannah says to Meep and she smiles back at him with her own smile with GIANT teeth. As she flips through the book, she peers at Sonja, "What? Stealing? No, no, no. Stealing thing, it's bad, and very rude. I would never do such a horrible, terrible thing. Possession is nine-tenths of the law or something." She digs in her pocket and pulls out a genuine pirate hoop earring that Meep could possibly use as a bracelet and exchanges it with the goblin, "There. Now you can be a pirate too. Though, maybe you should wear that as a necklace or something."

Meep examines the earing thoughtfully, It would probably cause him to topple over if he actually put it on his ear. He slides it onto a wrist instead. He glances around one last time, then notes, "Well, I better get back to job hunting. You know, there seems to be a large number of folks who are looking for someone who can, well, you know, make things, but a surprisingly small number wishing to hire someone who can cast a magic missile spell. A shame there isn't a, well, guild of adventurers or some such thing."

"Yes, it is. It was very nice to have met you and your monkey as well," Tatyannah says politely. "I hope that you're able to find work soon. Thank you again for the book." She even gives him a cheerful wave.

Meep waves and heads off for adventures unknown.